Because You're Ugly And No One Will Love You If You Don't

 

"Behold you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves. Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly lovely."

-Song of Solomon 1: 15-16

 

 

Ask Bob or Mary what to say if Daddy asks them "Guess What?" - They may say "What?"- but they know the answer... "I love you!" Bob knows it so well that I can usually get a smile and a roll of the eyes from him as he answers "I love you" before I have a chance to answer.

 

It may be familiar... and that's okay.

 

I had a whole other blog post planned for today and then I came across this:

 

 

 

I have no idea why it hit home... but it really ticked me off. Of course I thought of my Mary one day seeing a message like this. But I also thought of all my nieces and nephews who are in their teens and tweens already who may even have this app because it's probably fun to mess around with their pictures. I also thought of all the girls I dated throughout high school and college. I thought of the underlying message this ad promoted:

 

"Because you're ugly and no one will love you if you don't doctor up your pictures."

 

"Because you're ugly if you don't have a perfect body"

 

"Because you're ugly if you don't have huge muscles"

 

"Because you're ugly."

 

 

Already my daughter at the age of one and a half knows how beautiful she is and that she is loved. I don't say it as poetically as Song of Solomon does but it's usually something like:

 

"You're so stinkin cute! I can't stand it!" as I scoop her up into my arms and devour her with kisses and tickles.

 

 

 

Or a, "Hi Beautiful!" as she runs into the room.

 

Bob get's the same treatment: "Hey handsome!" or "Hey Bob guess what...I love you!"

 

 

 

My kids will also know that I love my wife. Through that knowledge I hope they will also know how to treat and be treated by a loved one.

 

Sorry folks, but I'm going to say it: My arms are always around my wife when she's home. If we're in the kitchen the kids are constantly catching me stealing a kiss from Amanda or wrapping my arms around her. It might be pulling her away from something she's doing just so I can give her a kiss or a hug or simply tell her I love her. I do it in private... but I make sure I do it in front of the kids.

 

 

 

 

I remember that specifically from growing up with my parents. I'd always react with an "Ah gee... come on guys" type of reaction, but I knew my parents loved each other. So much so that when I was really little I remember crying outside my parents room because I heard them arguing once.

As I grew up I came to learn and understand that even people who love one another argue, but it wasn't until my late twenties that I really came to understand what kind of sacrifice loving someone really meant.

 

I think this lie the media and society in general are providing us upsets me so much because when I was in high school, and even before, I bought right into it.

I was NOT popular in middle school.

 

 

 

 I was a shadow for the most part my freshman year. And then my sophomore year a cute popular girl decided to date me...yeah me! Of course it went straight to my head, but it also "put me on the map" and in high school that was a huge thing.

 

Instead of turning to my parents and modeling the love I saw in their relationship I was branching out on my own and allowing my opinions and world view to be formed by the society around me and the desires stirring in my adolescent body.

 

I look back and see most of my bad habits and addictions that took years to break free from and heal formed during those years.

 

I think of all of the trouble and hurt I set up for myself and how close I came to missing out on Amanda all together simply because of my own selfishness and poor ability to love and I just shake my head.

 

But what I'm really embarrassed about. What shames me the most.

 

How much pain and hurt I caused in just about every relationship I had during that time. How in the name of "love" I fully took advantage of and allowed myself to be taken advantage of both physically and mentally... and the sad part of it all was that I hardly realized I was doing it. It came natural.

 

 

Now I know I can't prevent everything from happening to my children. They need to make their own choices. They have their own lives to live.

 

But...

 

If a girl would have said no.

 

If a friend hadn't bragged about his experience over the weekend.

 

If a friend hadn't introduced me to porn.

 

No... No buts...

 

If I had been man enough...

 

To not advance.

 

To say no.

 

To have seen the dignity in each girl I met.

 

I can't prevent my kids from making bad choices or even having others force their bad choices on my kids. But for now I will do all in my power to help them understand what true love is. I will help them understand that they are worthy of Eternity and that they are fully loved.

 

It is my goal to model Love as best I can. But I will fail and it is my hope and desire that through the times I don't fail they will come to realize that no matter how much I and Amanda love them, there is a greater love even than that. That no matter how alone and no matter how unloved they may feel... they are LOVED.

 

 

"No one has greater love than this; to lay ones life down for ones friends." John 15:13

 

 

This is the love God has for us!

 

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

 

 

No matter what you do. No matter what you look like. YOU. ARE. LOVED.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for taking the time to read and God bless,