"For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to what is seen but to what is unseen; so what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal life." 2Corinthians 4:17-18
We were headed to the championship game! We had already beaten a team from our same park that was literally built to be better than us. The girls were excited and Mary was ready to cash in.... freeze. Let's go back a few weeks.... actually, lets go back a couple of years. That's when Bob discovered that the Lego Death Star existed and instantly wanted one. Well, we can't afford a $500 toy that in our eyes would be instantly lost into a million pieces. So he immediately began saving and continues to save to this day. He's still 3 or 4 hundred dollars off- but his perseverance and determination has been really impressive. Of course during this time Mary begins to notice Bob's efforts. But her focus, much like her focus with money, is less on saving and working hard for something and more on what can I get right now with what I have.
Unfortunately for Mary, that's not much. Her lasting hobby so far has been Pokémon cards- but her desires change with the whim of a friend's new toy. Currently, beyond Pokémon cards, she's hoping to get some type of $25 camera that you can play games on. We don't let kids spend a ton of time on tech around the house so a camera like this would certainly be a special treat for her. So we told her that we'll consider it for a birthday or Christmas gift, or if she like, like Bob, wants to save up for one she could buy it herself before then. So "the saving" began. A bottle of water here, a piece of candy there and after 6 plus months not much saving has occurred. But then came a conversation at the dinner table that changed things slightly.
Mary has been excelling at softball over the last year and we were discussing her accomplishments. Those accomplishments of course are age appropriate. As one of the better hitters on her team she still can only hit the ball as far as the pitcher's mound but in opposite field direction at the beginning of the season and to the edge of the infield by the end of the season. Big Brother of course has one over the fence homerun under his belt at the age of 7. So Mary proposed at this dinner if she could hit the ball to the fence and score a homerun that we'd buy her the camera AND the pokemon cards she desired. She's a long way off from that happening and so we agreed to it and she began working pretty hard toward that goal.
Fast forward to the present: The girls were winning and playing hard. We were headed into the championship game to play the team we had already beaten once who were built to beat us every time. Mary was confident and proposed a change to our current deal. If we win can you get me the camera and the cards?... and pizza for dinner?
The pressure was on. Coaches and parents were standing around. Mary is the jewel of my eye. How can we say no? I faltered a bit. I said I'd think about it. I intended to do it- eek. I wanted to see her win and I was so proud of her and the team already. I definitely got caught up in the moment.
Then the game unfolded. We were winning and winning convincingly! But we were the away team and suddenly in the bottom of the last inning the ball started getting thrown all over the field and before we knew it the game was over and we had lost. The girls- Mary- were heartbroken.
Then the quivering lip came. The tears. The disappointment. "I really wanted that camera," she whimpered. The pressure was back. Just give her the camera, Jim! The voices in my head began lobbying for my sweet girl. She played really well. She got the outs. She scored the runs. They "should have" won! But I stood firm. What would giving her this camera that she's wanted for so long this day have accomplished? It doesn't matter how hard we work or what the outcome is? We get what we want anyway? If I want to raise entitled children this might be the quickest way to it.
So I got down on her level. Hugged her. Comforted her and explained that one day- with some more hard work either at her game or saving her money- that the camera could be hers. But not today. But today- because we need to eat dinner anyway- and because she really did work hard and give it her all we can have pizza for dinner.
Pizza makes the world all better!
So that was a pretty long winded way to say that while hard work is important it doesn't actually entitle us to anything. Some times after a lot of hard work we sometimes fail. And that's okay and it's a good lesson that not only our children need to learn- but we also. It's what we do with the lessons we learn along the way that make the biggest differences in our lives.
Does our goal become the be all end all? Whether I had got her that camera the day of the tournament or gave it to her on her birthday... will she have it in 30 years? Will she even have it next year? The time we spent that evening as a family out at a restaurant sharing pizza was truly life giving. The kids actually got along! We laughed at stories and bonded closer as a family. In 30 years from now she might actually take her own kids out for pizza one day. And that's the lesson we want our kids to learn.
Entitlement is running rampant in this country. From our political and social leaders all the way down to our very own children and ourselves. We can continue to vote in new leaders every 4/8 years and we can be social justice warriors here on the interwebs but the real change won't happen until it happens in our own homes. With our children and ourselves. When we are willing to deny ourselves and instill that value into our children we form both discipline and empathy within ourselves. It's a lot easier to just take what we want. Give it to me now. I don't want to wait.
But what happens when we constantly indulge ourselves?
We train ourselves to expect that result all the time. So when someone says no- we don't like it. When we feel uncomfortable- we abandon the activity or worse off force our own wills upon the situation. Denial of simple things like a toy camera until the goal has actually been achieved will instill not only a good work ethic in our children but will also prepare them for more difficult situations in life where they won't get what they want.
How will they react?
Well I deserve it so give it to me? Or- hey, this isn't ideal but I know it'll get better.
Pizza for dinner is just that- pizza and what kid doesn't love pizza. But that pizza for us was life giving. We weren't indulging a primal desire for some object Mary wanted right now- but rather investing in our family. And by investing in our family our kids learn that it's important that we invest in others. Not things. But persons.
And isn't that what our world needs more of? Investment in persons? I'd say yes.
Thanks again for taking the time to read. God bless,
Unfortunately for Mary, that's not much. Her lasting hobby so far has been Pokémon cards- but her desires change with the whim of a friend's new toy. Currently, beyond Pokémon cards, she's hoping to get some type of $25 camera that you can play games on. We don't let kids spend a ton of time on tech around the house so a camera like this would certainly be a special treat for her. So we told her that we'll consider it for a birthday or Christmas gift, or if she like, like Bob, wants to save up for one she could buy it herself before then. So "the saving" began. A bottle of water here, a piece of candy there and after 6 plus months not much saving has occurred. But then came a conversation at the dinner table that changed things slightly.
Mary has been excelling at softball over the last year and we were discussing her accomplishments. Those accomplishments of course are age appropriate. As one of the better hitters on her team she still can only hit the ball as far as the pitcher's mound but in opposite field direction at the beginning of the season and to the edge of the infield by the end of the season. Big Brother of course has one over the fence homerun under his belt at the age of 7. So Mary proposed at this dinner if she could hit the ball to the fence and score a homerun that we'd buy her the camera AND the pokemon cards she desired. She's a long way off from that happening and so we agreed to it and she began working pretty hard toward that goal.
Fast forward to the present: The girls were winning and playing hard. We were headed into the championship game to play the team we had already beaten once who were built to beat us every time. Mary was confident and proposed a change to our current deal. If we win can you get me the camera and the cards?... and pizza for dinner?
The pressure was on. Coaches and parents were standing around. Mary is the jewel of my eye. How can we say no? I faltered a bit. I said I'd think about it. I intended to do it- eek. I wanted to see her win and I was so proud of her and the team already. I definitely got caught up in the moment.
Then the game unfolded. We were winning and winning convincingly! But we were the away team and suddenly in the bottom of the last inning the ball started getting thrown all over the field and before we knew it the game was over and we had lost. The girls- Mary- were heartbroken.
Then the quivering lip came. The tears. The disappointment. "I really wanted that camera," she whimpered. The pressure was back. Just give her the camera, Jim! The voices in my head began lobbying for my sweet girl. She played really well. She got the outs. She scored the runs. They "should have" won! But I stood firm. What would giving her this camera that she's wanted for so long this day have accomplished? It doesn't matter how hard we work or what the outcome is? We get what we want anyway? If I want to raise entitled children this might be the quickest way to it.
So I got down on her level. Hugged her. Comforted her and explained that one day- with some more hard work either at her game or saving her money- that the camera could be hers. But not today. But today- because we need to eat dinner anyway- and because she really did work hard and give it her all we can have pizza for dinner.
Pizza makes the world all better!
So that was a pretty long winded way to say that while hard work is important it doesn't actually entitle us to anything. Some times after a lot of hard work we sometimes fail. And that's okay and it's a good lesson that not only our children need to learn- but we also. It's what we do with the lessons we learn along the way that make the biggest differences in our lives.
Does our goal become the be all end all? Whether I had got her that camera the day of the tournament or gave it to her on her birthday... will she have it in 30 years? Will she even have it next year? The time we spent that evening as a family out at a restaurant sharing pizza was truly life giving. The kids actually got along! We laughed at stories and bonded closer as a family. In 30 years from now she might actually take her own kids out for pizza one day. And that's the lesson we want our kids to learn.
Entitlement is running rampant in this country. From our political and social leaders all the way down to our very own children and ourselves. We can continue to vote in new leaders every 4/8 years and we can be social justice warriors here on the interwebs but the real change won't happen until it happens in our own homes. With our children and ourselves. When we are willing to deny ourselves and instill that value into our children we form both discipline and empathy within ourselves. It's a lot easier to just take what we want. Give it to me now. I don't want to wait.
But what happens when we constantly indulge ourselves?
We train ourselves to expect that result all the time. So when someone says no- we don't like it. When we feel uncomfortable- we abandon the activity or worse off force our own wills upon the situation. Denial of simple things like a toy camera until the goal has actually been achieved will instill not only a good work ethic in our children but will also prepare them for more difficult situations in life where they won't get what they want.
How will they react?
Well I deserve it so give it to me? Or- hey, this isn't ideal but I know it'll get better.
Pizza for dinner is just that- pizza and what kid doesn't love pizza. But that pizza for us was life giving. We weren't indulging a primal desire for some object Mary wanted right now- but rather investing in our family. And by investing in our family our kids learn that it's important that we invest in others. Not things. But persons.
And isn't that what our world needs more of? Investment in persons? I'd say yes.
Thanks again for taking the time to read. God bless,
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