"So, could you not watch with me one hour?" Matthew 26:40
That's adoration in the Domestic Church. It came to me this morning in prayer. Don't worry, I'll explain! Our church canceled Adoration in the chapel because of the holiday yesterday and it didn't restart until this morning at 9. So I found myself in the early morning sitting on my couch and praying.
If you really know me, you know that I'm not a very patient man. It's something I've always struggled with and it's something that recently I've decided to try and nip in the butt. My impatience is mostly manifested in my relationship with my wife and kids: isn't that horrible! It's always the ones we love that we lash out at first.
So I was sitting in my living room this morning thinking and praying about this and of course examples of my lack of patience come to mind. One of the most glaring times has to be when I'm putting the kids down to bed at night or even at nap time during the day. I just want them to sleep! Can't I have just an hour to myself! (See the patience there?)
So I was praying about this and asking God "How can I learn patience? How do I put it into practice?"
You might be thinking: "Sucker, ask God for patience and He'll give you PLENTY of opportunities to learn it." Well, I don't need more opportunities to learn it. I know how bad I'm at it and I struggle enough with the failures of my current opportunities than to have to add a few more.
That's not my prayer. My prayer is learn how to deal with the here and now. How do I love my children and my wife properly. How do I restrain myself from projecting my own faults and failures and frustrations onto them in my anger?
It's funny how things come full circle. I started praying more because I found myself really giving my all towards the gym and being healthy. I thought, "If I'm giving this much time towards that I need to give more time to God." So I did. So this morning I was praying about my relationship with God, about my love for Him and His love for me. Then I thought, "Wait, I'm call to see Christ in all people- especially my family."
I'll have to save some more in-depth thoughts here for another post- but when this came to me I thought- "How literally do I take this?" I 'Know' Christ is in each of us... but do I act that way? I've heard the Church teach about how families are the Domestic Church and how all of society is formed from the family bonds. I then thought about my time in Adoration in the chapel.
What am I doing there? Praying yes, but I'm also spending time with our Lord. Most times He doesn't say anything to me. Other times He puts requests on my heart. Sometimes He just wants to hang out.
What if my family is a Church? What if I see Christ in each of them? My children's request to just come and play would take on new meaning. My wife's desire to just sit and snuggle... or get off my butt and put my junk away would be as if it was a request from my Lord. The time it takes to sit and stand in silence as I wait for my children to fall asleep so that they won't feel alone would be adoration.
As good as my life is... what would my life be like if I acted like that? It's scary good to think about! It's also conceivable to think that I (we) can change the world for the better through such simple steps!
So these are Godly desires: something High to reach for. But how do you put this into practice? The concept sounds great but then you find yourself like I did this morning in Mass with the kids and Bob just won't SHUT UP! No matter how kind you form your words he simple won't sit still and insists on sliding back and forth along the pew, tapping his feet as he goes.
Or when Mary declares she is finished with her meal and hands you her plate only to cry and scream for the next ten minutes because you threw away her chewed up leftovers.
These are the moments I need grace. These are the moments I need to remember and see that God is here.
So how do I respond? Deep breathes for one. Cries for help in prayer for second. And just like my prayer I take baby steps in trying to either walk a child and even myself off of that ledge of despair I know either of us might so quickly fall off of. Take for example the episode that just interrupted this blog posting... The kids have only been asleep for an hour at best, and I heard a child screaming over the monitor. I go upstairs to find Bob soaking wet (he sweats like no other when he sleeps for some reason- blanket or not) and his legs flaying through the air.
My initial reaction as I walked from the basement to the 2nd floor was annoyance. I wanted to sternly ask Bob what was the matter and demand him to go back to sleep. "You're just grumpy! You need sleep!" -The constant battle of "why won't you just listen to me!".
All this while I'm posting this blog right? So I asked Bob what was the matter. His answer? "I want my daddy." I don't think he realized I had come into the room. I think he was still half asleep. He was just scared. So I placed my hand on his moppy head and sang softly to him until he calmed down. Within moments he was asleep again.
I saw Christ in him... rather than seeing my selfish desires.
It, like everything, is a work in progress. Pray for me. Pray for my family!
Thanks for taking the time to read. As you leave this blog maybe think about taking a little extra time to spend in "adoration" this day.
Thanks and God bless,
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