God is Here... And God Has More

Let me be clear... I have no idea what I'm doing. My beautiful wife Amanda has been asking me for a few years now to start a blog. Now seems as good a time as any. I've been a writer since I was young but I've never had anything published. On top of that most of my writing is fiction... lately science fiction no less. So really I have no business writing a blog. I'm not even sure who out there will be interested in what I have to say... but if you are? Thanks! As you can see from my background and soon by my content you'll see I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm learning as I'm going.

I'm sure these things should be short and sweet but if you know me you know there is nothing short and sweet about me except, well... me! My grammar, spelling, and punctuation will be horrible... but I'll push on and improve over time and I hope if you're interested in my content you'll push on with me.

So what will this blog be about? Well, life I guess. I'm a huge sports fan: especially Boston sports. I certainly have opinions on politics, and I read a few books and watch a few shows. But let's be honest... those all seem a bit boring and in some sense trivial. So there will be some of that in here, but overall I want to write about what I love.

What do I love? Well, that's God and my family. You'll learn the frustrations and failings along side my small victories of being a stay at home dad and husband in the Bible belt. I'm no theologian but I strive each day to become a Saint and so I guess I should share with you my meager attempts at holiness.

I give this blog to God. I hope He'll speak through me and with me in my posts. This first post is titled "God is Here...And God Has More" for two reasons. First of all I'd like to share in a moment my experience this past weekend at a dear friend of mine's priestly ordination, but secondly because these words (of this priest) speak directly to me and to how I feel God is working in my life right now.

So here we go:

Do you have kids? Have you ever been on vacation without them? It's amazing! I mean absolutely amazing! I don't think I've been this relaxed since Bob was born! Don't worry, don't worry. I love my son and daughter. But you should realize that I spend everyday 24/7 with them. While other dads pack a brown lunch or drop a bill on a business lunch off of Wall St somewhere... I stay at home. There aren't many of us (although you might be surprised at just how many of us there are) and while there is much to say and justify a man going out of the home to provide for his family... this is the toughest and most fulfilling job I have EVER had.

My wife recently showed me a youtube video entitled "Reasons My Son Is Crying" (I couldn't find it but I would have posted it). It was funny enough. Some of the reasons were: 'I gave him water in the wrong cup', 'I gave him water', 'He doesn't want to go outside', 'He wanted to choose his outfit'... and it goes on, you get it. Well... this is my life. Mary isn't quite there yet... Bob is and he's perfected it!

(Oh wait- Mary has perfected it too... this happened right after I posted the blog... this is her "I'm crying because you won't let me eat an entire box of cereal for a snack look)

So recently Amanda and I had a chance to go to the Priestly Ordination of our friends (now) Fr. John Ignatius & Fr. Paul Kostka out in Denver, CO. Better yet, we were able to go without the kids because we just moved to Atlanta, GA! So, a quick 8 hr drive down to Tampa, FL, leave the kids with our wonderful in-laws, and then a flight out west and suddenly we're kid free on vacation! Trust me Disney is great... but if you've got kids you've got to do this once in a while!

But I digress (remember there is nothing short and sweet about me)

I've never been to a priestly ordination. My dad is a deacon and I vaguely remember his ordination but this is the first ordination I've been to as an adult. On top of that it's the ordination of a long time friend and my spiritual director. Fr. John Ignatius is a true inspiration to me.  I've watched him grow from a Resident Director at Franciscan University of Steubenville named Aron Little to a founding member of the Servants of Christ Jesus, and now to a Priest in the Catholic Church. Aron, Br. John, and I'm sure Father John, have been there for some of the most intense and crucial moments of my life.

When I found myself my junior year of college crying alone in the chapel it was he who asked me "What do you want Jim?"- the answer (with a deep sigh): "Just to be happy". Aron pointed me in the right direction.

The day my fiancé and I broke up. It was Br. John who spent the day with me canoeing and talking out on a lake outside of Steubenville Ohio.

It was also Br. John who helped confirm for me my vocation to marriage and years later my desire to marry my wife Amanda.

He read at my wedding and has traveled to wherever I've been in the US to put on retreats, visit, and provide Spiritual Direction for me. So it was a no brainer when I heard that he'd be ordained to the priesthood this past weekend that I'd be there.

It was an amazing weekend. Grace filled, entertaining, and in some way life changing. God's presence this weekend was palpable.

So what can I take away from this? What does Br. John (sorry Fr. John) have to do with anything going on right now in my life? Easy. Father John Ignatius has always been a resounding example of heroic generosity in  my life. It's never been a question of will Father John give his life to Christ, or even how much he'll give it... the only question I've seen is "Where to Lord?" and "How can I use the means you've already given me to accomplish..."

I want that. Don't you?

I had a bit of an awkward moment this past weekend that reflects other minor awkward moments I occasionally have in my life. My wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table with some old college friends of mine when somehow we got on the topic of either prayer or maybe it was schedules. I forget how, but for some reason my friend Anthony asked me what time I woke up in the morning. I answered 4:30.

It's the only time I can wake up to ensure that I start my day off in prayer. So I get up, get dressed, and drive to our church for Adoration. I'm back just before 6 to drive Amanda to the bus with the kids. We drive Amanda to the bus so that I can have a car to take the kids places during the day and so that we (the kids and I) can also go to daily Mass.

Why do I share this? Because I'm holy? Because I want to be seen as Holy? No- because I'm far from it. If you know me you know I'm a mess. And it's because I'm a mess that I share this.

The truth is... I want to be a saint. But I know I'm not. There is only one relationship in this world that is more important than the relationship between me and my wife and me and my children & that's my relationship with God.

But how often do I ignore that relationship? How often do I push it back behind video games and Disney vacations?

After our move to Atlanta I found myself spending 6 plus hours a week at the gym. It was (is) great! I'm getting healthy, having fun, and spending time with my wife and kids outside of the house. But I realized I was spending little time with them in prayer. Prayer before meals and before bed. That was about it.

I had to ask myself: is this what God's asking of me? The answer is a clear no. HE wants to be my lover. HE wants to be apart of every aspect of my life. So what does that look like? I'm not sure... but I know it was more than what I was giving. I also know that it looks something like what the Servants of Christ Jesus are giving. It looks a lot like the founder of FOCUS, Curtis Martin, is giving. It didn't look much like what I was giving.

So... no I'm not holy. But I'm striving. And I hope that this blog can be a small testament to that. My daily strivings with scripture, with prayer, and with my family.

If you're still reading. Thanks. I'll see you next time.

God bless,

Jim